<data:blog.pageTitle/>

Valentine's day has always been a hard day for me. Having been single for most of 32 years I always struggled with this day. With wanting to be a part of it, to be able to participate with everyone else, to lavish love on my 'someone special', but for nearly all of those 32 years I was single and waiting, hoping and trying to have a positive attitude about it all.

To make the day worse, it is followed very closely by my birthday, yet another reminder that I was a year older and still waiting, hoping!

Some years were easier, and I found other ways to celebrate; girls nights, Singles Awareness Day (LOL!), making fun crafts and baking with kids, to name a few.

Other years were more challenging and I just wanted to hide from the world on this day as it was like rubbing salt in a very raw, open wound. I remember one profoundly painful day when I lived in London, everywhere I went that day I saw more red roses, boxes of chocolates, smiling couples, kissing, happiness.....the more I saw the more I wept, it was all too much. It was the pain of longing.

This year is different!

This year I am married to the love of my life. It's even easier than last year, there is a significant shift from dating to being married, when two become one, they REALLY do become one.

"Now you are just one of those smug marrieds", I hear you cry! YES I AM, and sometimes I struggle with that as much as I struggled being single.

Having been a single person for so long and waited patiently (relatively!), and watched as many of my friends got married and had kids, I wrestled with wanting to be very happy for them but so desperately wanting it for myself, to being jealous and wanting to speed along my own journey.

I almost didn't write this as I didn't want to be 'a smug married', in fact I think I vowed at one point that I would never be one! HA!

I didn't want to be one of those girls who got married and forgot about the pain of singleness and the longing.

However, I find myself challenged to celebrate the love I have, the love I waited for, the love I fight for an a daily basis, the love I choose with every decision I make, the love that God had me wait for......for much longer than I anticipated, for the love that was well worth the wait.

It's wrong for me not to celebrate that, even though I have single friends who will read this.

I'm not writing this as a sharp reminder to single people to "have a better attitude", or to let them know "its worth the wait", even though those things are true, it's often the least helpful thing to hear on days like this.

I am writing this to remind myself of the love that I have to celebrate, for the reward I have after the waiting, for the promises God made and honored, for the God given desire in my heart that is being fulfilled on a daily basis.

Being married isn't easy, being single isn't easy. Both are seasons God calls us to, to challenge us, prepare us, to make us more like Him.

Todd and I are reading 'Sacred Marriage' by Gary Thomas. It is a very challenging book. I think the tag line says it all 'What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?'

I know that my season of singleness in the midst of a desire to be married challenged me to be more holy than happy, and I now know that marriage is doing the same. For that, I am truly grateful.

Happy Valentine's Day!